Ice Breakers..

Ok, lets see if I get this right.. I'm new to this blogging thing so I'll most likely screw this up big time but hopefully at least learn something in the process! Thanks to Mod Mom Beyond IndieDom for tagging me :D :p.

"Here are the rules:


You must post these rules.  Each person must post 11 things about themselves on their blog. 
Answer the questions the tagger set for you in their post and create 11 new questions for the people you tag to answer.  You have to choose 11 people to tag and link them on the post.  Go to their page and tell them you have linked him or her.  No tag backs and you legitimately have to tag 11 people."
 

Soooo 11 things about me huh? Ok here goes..

1. I used to raise and breed reptiles. Cornsnakes mostly. I love those scaley things!
2. I'm a Mormon. Though that's in my blogger profile, so yeah.. I converted when I was 22, in 2007. You do the math, you know, if you care to..
3. I'm an adoptive parent, or trying to be. Freaking CPS sucks rear. I'm sure I'll write a post about it someday.
4. My favorite number is 16. Don't know why.
5. I only knew my husband for about 3 months before getting married. We're still going strong and I swear it was the best thing to ever happen to me :).
6. I've never, ever done illegal drugs of any kind. I sound so prude lol, but there's a long legit story behind that one..
7. I'm bipolar. (Bipolar II to be more exact).
8. My 3rd daughter, The Dreamer, is somewhere on the ASD spectrum.
9. While watching it, I can quote nearly ALL of the 80's film "Labyrinth".
10. I am related to that comedian who smashes watermelons. He's my dad's cousin.
11. My favorite real animal is a cat. My favorite mythical animal is, was, and always will be, a unicorn. My room as a young girl was scary.. wall to wall unicorns..

1.  Which celebrity would you like to have dinner with and why? It's a toss up between Johnny Depp cause he's so dang cool, Ryan Reynolds because I really think he's an awesome and versatile actor, and Zach Braff because he's freaking HILARIOUS.. and we have the same birthday, only he's 10 years older than me :D
2.  What is your biggest vice? Spending money.. or brownies.
3.  What's your favorite Johnny Cash song? All of them are cool, but his cover of NIN's Hurt was EPIC.
4.  Beatles or Stones? Beatles because I can think of several of their songs I like but I can't think of any Stones songs.. I know, I suck.
5.  Red or Blue and why? Mmm.. Blue because I like the cool colors more than the hot..
6.  Favorite SNL sketch of all time and why? None because I never watch it? :( Again, I know, I suck.
7.  The meal you would order as your last if you were on death row would be? Sushi. TONS of sushi. Followed by a dessert of astounding chocolate proportions.
8.  The song you find most repulsive. Hit me baby one more time makes me want to hit her lots more times.. but really, all pop is sickening.. even the stuff I like sickens me, possibly even more so.
9.  Your favorite president and why. Pftttttt.. any of the dead ones because they're dead? No really though, Reagan was awesome I hear... and yes, I'm more Republican than Democrat but we'll leave it at that.
10. Catch phrase you hate the most. Gosh, I don't know.. I can't even think of any right now :( Maybe I should have done this sooner than 11pm..
11. How you would've like the last Oprah show to end instead of how it did. Wait, it ended?? Lulz..

I'm posting this now to a: make sure it saves seeing as I just nearly deleted it all, and b: go to bed cause it's freaky late and The Husband is coming home tomorrow and I want to be well rested for the epic cuddle fest we shall be having after him being gone for two and a half days.. I'll finish it later :) <3

A Whole New War...

So we've all heard about the mommy wars. Breastfeeding vs. bottle, natural birth vs. epidural, attachment parenting vs. sanity.. but what about the war on yourself? Since I became a mother 4, now almost 5, years ago, I have changed a lot. Most of these changes have been positive, my life is on a completely different track and I'm happier than I could have hoped for over all. But there are days that I would give nearly anything to have a bit of my old self back.

I would love to wear makeup again on a regular basis, get dressed every morning and have something to do involving other adults. I would love to go out without having to find a sitter, clean the house so said sitter can come over without making me feel mortified, clean the kids for the same reason, watch the clock because the sitter can't stay too late, and worry the entire time about who might be barfing on who and what on earth The Oldest might be telling the sitter that she might actually understand or even worse, believe. I would love to simply have a glass of water without a hint of baby hands in it. I would love to go to the bathroom alone. Most of all though, I would love to not feel guilty about wanting these things in the first place.

For years now I have been struggling to find the balance to take care of myself enough to be able to take the best care of my kids that I can. Every time I got pregnant I wondered how the stress and neglect I had for myself would affect the next generation with every other kid I had to take care of already. No, most of my kids weren't planned, but we weren't hurting for having another either.

This all brings me to the latest happenings in our saga.. I missed my Indian food cooking class. I completely forgot all about it until nearly a week after. The Oldest, however, has not missed a single karate class. I told myself I would just do this one night class in the midst of the several classes The Girls were taking, just to do something for myself, and I couldn't even manage that. I thought that if I ever had a c-section I at least would finally be forced to take a break, but here I am, cleaning house and picking up kids as early as 3 weeks after the surgery. My response to The Husband when he tells me to stop, that I'm going to seriously hurt myself, is that if I don't do it, no one will, and it NEEDS to get done.

But the fact is, I want to do it. I'm pretty sure it's not healthy on both a mental and physical level, but it's what I want when I really dig down deep. So yes, I know I need to separate myself from my children, because when they start to branch out and make their mistakes while living their lives I'm going to need that buffer space as much as they are. I realize this. But for now, I'll settle with worrying about The Baby every 5 minutes while I'm out with my girlfriends tonight. Call it the worst of both worlds?

So, this is blogging?

Recently I've become addicted to blogs. I've determined that this is because I like reading about other people's miserable lives in order to escape my own version of midget filled heck that is my life :). Not that I mind it all the time, or even most of the time.. But sometimes it's nice to read ab out someone else's kids throwing up in public or licking something insanely disgusting, you know?

I'm not new to the whole online journal concept, but if my past journaling attempts are any indication, this won't be a regular thing no matter how hard I try to keep at it. But none of this matters because a) this is anonymous this time and b) no one is ever going to read this crap anyway :) It's a win win!

Anyway, if you do happen across this and read it, don't get your hopes up ;)